Chapter 12: Treating the Long-term Impact of ACEs Part III: Unrecognized emotions

This is the single most difficult task in PPD treatment: developing awareness of repressed negative emotions and then expressing them in words. The more these emotions are expressed verbally, the less they need to manifest in your body in the form of pain or illness. But repressed emotions, by definition, are those of which you are unaware. How are you supposed to find them? What if they are too painful?

Let’s begin with what they are: Anger, Fear, Shame, Grief, and Guilt.  Some of my patients had hints that these emotions were present. A seemingly small trigger would lead to a powerful burst of one of these emotions (usually anger) and leave the patient wondering why. But many other patients had no suspicion that any of these was present.

The best way to search for repressed emotions is to return to the exercise I used in Chapters 9 and 11.

Imagine you are a butterfly on the wall of your childhood home. You are watching a child you care about coping with what is going on. Do you feel sad or angry about anything you are observing? If so, make a list of those issues.

Most of my patients, looking back at their childhood, had only the most limited sense of feeling negative emotions. This is because repressing the emotions helped them cope. But when they imagine an innocent child enduring the same adversity, the emotions can begin to emerge. Writing them down makes them real and often leads to recalling more childhood events, people and situations that were emotional.

The second exercise in Chapter 9 can also be helpful here.

Think about a childhood event that was traumatic, bad, difficult or a significant challenge for you. Then take 5-10 minutes to rapidly write down words or phrases that come to mind related to this event. Don’t overthink this and don’t worry about spelling or grammar. After you have written as much as comes to mind, take another 10-15 minutes to write complete sentences about what the words and phrases mean.

“Once you have awareness of emotions, the next step is to turn them into words. You can write an unmailed letter to the ACE perpetrator(s).”

If you are struggling to connect with negative emotions, consider using the app Curable or joining one of their intensive groups. A therapist with experience in Emotional Awareness and Experience Therapy or Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (two forms of Pain Relief Psychotherapy) might also be helpful.

Once you have awareness of emotions, the next step is to turn them into words. You can write an unmailed letter to the ACE perpetrator(s).  You can write what comes to mind in a journal. You can speak into a recording device, to a trusted friend or to a therapist.

 A common challenge is reconciling opposite emotions about people for whom you care. For example, you might be outraged at some of the behaviors of a parent who had their own challenges to deal with, who was doing the best they could, who had good qualities, and with whom you would like to reconcile (perhaps after an apology from them). These emotions are opposing but they are not incompatible. People are complex. Having opposite feelings about the same person doesn’t mean you should continue to repress the negative emotions.

 Success with uncovering and expressing repressed emotions can take time. But it is one of the most effective treatment techniques.